


Fading in and out, as it were

by BlooBlu



Series: Soul Strings are Awful, a Novel by Logan Sanders [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Choking, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional, I mean it there is nothing remotely hopefull or happy about this so be prepared, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Panic Attack, School, Sorry Not Sorry, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Strangulation, Strings of Fate, pure angst, really short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlooBlu/pseuds/BlooBlu
Summary: A continuation of "A lingering delusion" inspired by related art by @IllogicallyInclined on Tumblr. The art that inspired this one was of... well you can probably guess if you read the story.Logan's strings of fate are a constant source of anger and disgust for him as he grows up, you must know this from the previous tale of his life. But most of all, they terrify him.
Series: Soul Strings are Awful, a Novel by Logan Sanders [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718719
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Fading in and out, as it were

Logan remembers his dreams frequently and in vivid detail. The truth is that all humans dream every time they sleep, many simply do not recall. Why some can more easily than others is largely contributed to a difference in the way one is able to memorize; regardless, Logan remembers nearly every dream he’s had within the past few weeks, and besides that, there are lingering memories of ones from much longer ago. 

He dreams about his five unknown soulmates rather often, evidently. Some of the dreams are pleasant or simply vague - most of them are decidedly not enjoyable. 

Red. Yellow. Green. Blue. Purple. 

Five soul bonds, wrapped around each finger of his left hand during wakefulness, choke him in the realm of slumber. No longer are they attached to him, but rather they attack him from all sides: pulling taut around his throat, or around each limb, threatening to pull him apart. Sometimes the ends of them are held by indistinct figures. Faces he can’t quite remember, all smiling madly at the show. 

Logan attempts to shake off these memories, but of course, he cannot. He will always remember them, and they will haunt him whenever every ounce of his attention is not devoted to something else. So he throws himself into his studies ever harder every day. His parents, as well as his teachers, appreciate the effort. For quite some time, he is completely functional - waking violently and far too early, unable to make up quite a lot of lost sleep, but otherwise fine. Eating less and less, as the feeling of something,  _ anything _ blocking his throat, preventing breath for milliseconds at most - is too terrifying to bear. 

In his junior year, he experiences a panic attack during school hours. His first, (in front of others) and all because of his  _ damned soul bonds.  _ One of them, the red one - pulls taut in the middle of his English class. Logan nearly falls out of his chair, and he ceases breathing entirely. The string moves a little in either direction, and it pulls tighter and tighter around his thumb; no doubt the person on the other end of it has noticed as well, if the erratic movements are anything to go by. 

He thinks that teacher might have called on him to answer a question, but all he can hear is the ringing in his ears. Someone lays a hand on his shoulder, and he flees. Knocking over his chair, and maybe his desk as well, Logan runs. He runs from the classroom, down the halls, out of the building - eventually, he finds his way inside of the bathroom in another (Math? Science? He didn’t read any of the signs) and locks himself in the first available stall. 

He’s hyperventilating, and can’t entirely see what’s in front of him; his vision is going blurry, enough that he almost believes that his glasses fell off of his face at some point, but he soon realizes it’s because he is crying. 

Why why  _ why?  _ Why is he crying? This makes no sense - he should be elated, following the scarlet string to his soulmate -  _ one of  _ his soulmates. Instead, he is hiding away in the bathroom like a coward, as if his horrible dreams (nightmares, they are no ordinary dreams) will come true and choke him out. Logan irrationally fears that if he finds the person on the other end of the string, that they will pin him and use it to strangle the life out of him right then and there.

Of course, he knows that  _ logically,  _ such a thing makes no sense. The chances that his soulmate will try to  _ kill  _ him upon their first meeting are very slim, infinitesimal, it’s practically not worth considering at all. 

...He does not leave the bathroom until the final bell rings. His parents are disappointed, upset at his outburst. They initially show some concern, but at his refusal to talk they simply become angry and tell him that he is not to leave his room until dinner. He is grounded for several weeks; not that he would have wanted to go anywhere in the first place. If his soulmate is close enough for their strings to pull taut at school, there is no way he would risk stumbling into them randomly in the street.

Logan’s dreams (nightmares, nightmares, nightmares) are awful that night, and when he awakes he is sweaty and in utter disarray, a silent scream on his lips. 


End file.
